Jaded

I never thought what this word would mean to me.
I guess it can happen to almost anybody.
Though this word already has its meaning.
But lemme just tell you what it exactly means to me.

It's when your heart is torned to 10,000 pieces.
Like a jigsaw puzzle, to have it solved would take ages.
Just when you thought that everything is ok.
Then suddenly they tell you, the love has gone away.

It's when you jump to the next, helping you heal your heart.
Then later you realize, in your life they have no part.
It's after you got hurt and you hurt the other.
Well I guess it's a cycle, jaded now and forever.

Now I have questions lingering in my mind.
When will this end and how will I find?
Can anyone please tell me, what is the answer?
Don't wanna stay jaded, now and forever.

Fate Versus Free Will

It has been told that one's path has already been determined.
Is this really true or is this something that we should further examine?
Fate versus free will is what I'm questioning in my mind.
I guess I'll go through all the trouble till the answer I find.

Would one's decision change had an experience been intercepted?
Or would it still be the same and lead to what has been plotted?
Would I have been the same had I not met you?
I guess that's a question and to answer we have no clue.

We can say that our future is determined by the choices we make.
Though that maybe the case, do we really understand what's at stake?
Maybe we can alter what is written in the stars.
Or maybe even that is a plan, which in your life plays a part.

If one is destined to do great things, what about the rest of us?
What are they destined to be? Why then even make a fuss?
If everyone is to unknowingly follow according to plan.
Then free will is just a hoax, disguised to every man.

Ok, alright, maybe I'm over analyzing.
But you must admit, I do make a good line of reasoning.
One day we'll see what life really is and what it's all about.
All our questions will be answered and we'll accept it with out a doubt.

For now what we must do is to just go with the flow.
Live life to the fullest, with every lesson we must grow.
Be careful with your choices and let the future unfold.
Fight with all your might, in your future you must hold.

-- Inspired by the "Adjustment Bureau" movie by Matt Damon and Emily Blunt

Book Store

Remembering the time when we first met.
It was 11 in the evening, time stood still with no regret.
As I passed by the corner of that book store.
I looked at you from the outside as you walked out that door.

I was standing in front of you sweaty and all.
You handed out your hanky, oh geez, I think I'll fall.
Introduction to each other were made with no hesitations.
We strolled along all night as we stared at the constellations.

It was 4 in the morning, the dawn is breaking.
We decided to have coffee and a little more chatting.
Then later we found ourselves wrapped in each others arms.
As I whispered to your ear, I promise you no harm.

A kiss so passionate, igniting our senses like fire.
It was love at first sight so full of burning desire.
As we arouse each other with soft lingering touch.
I promised you that I'll always love you so much.

A month passed by, I've never felt so lucky.
Always together. We're both sublimely happy.
3 months, 4 months. Continuously counting.
5th month came, who knew it'd be our ending.

I don't know what happened, my brain just snapped.
You were begging for a chance, I said no, please don't do that.
I walked away leaving you at the coffee shop crying.
I never looked back, my tears were shedding.

A year and a half passed by, a lot has happened.
We advanced on our careers, surprisingly we started talkin'.
You invited me to your show, I came and I saw.
Part of your role, you kissed someone! I was in shock and in awe!

So jealous, envious, full of uncertainty.
I didn't want to be seen, a feeling so melancholy.
It was then I realized I wanted you back.
Wait, let me correct that. I need you. That's a fact!

The show ended, time to meet the cast.
I was standing by the door, you approached me so fast.
My heart was pounding, my legs were shaking.
We kissed on the cheeks and exchanged greetings.

I handed you a gift just like the one I gave before.
A small teddy bear that you oh so adore.
I had to leave as you had other guests to accommodate.
At the back of my mind, I was thinking that this can be fate.

The next day, I asked for you to come back.
You said no, I can't, and that's a fact.
You offered me friendship and that's the best you can do.
I've never felt so lonely, so sad and so blue.

And now I write this poem for you.
Oh please believe me, I'm now paying my due.
How I wish I could have what we've had before.
You're the only one who can heal my heart that's sore.

Now the battle against me just started.
Trying so hard not to feel discarded.
Now all i can do is what I've been doing before.
Remembering the day when I first saw you in that book store...

X - Marks The Spot

Thunder in paradise and you can't see the sun.
All you can feel is hatred from everyone.
Burning sensation which makes you want to rot.
You're a victim in this world, x-marks the spot.

Haunting feeling at the break of dawn.
Wherever you go, you are the pawn.
Eerie feeling of deep soul festering,
The devil you'll see and hell you'll be entering.

No where to run, No where to hide.
Don't you just wish for worlds to collide.
Your reflection appears to have no hue,
On the cross you're crucified and nailed with out clue.

Never fealt anger full of anguish and pain.
You're wanting to fight, revenge is insane.
you may curse everyone w/ all the powers you've got
but remember this always, x-marks the spot..

A Hundred Pounds Lighter

Ever since I was a child, I have always been a chubby cheese cake. As a kid, I would recall people calling me names and comical descriptions such as pugad baboy, biik, tabachoy and tabachingching. But being chubby as a toddler of course also has its loopholes. I would always be the star of each occasion/family reunion I would attend to. Being a chubby kid was cute. They would always refer me to as the Nino Mulach of the family. I would always be a kiddy Santa during family reunions every holiday season.

But as I grew older, my weight didn’t change. Painful pasts would haunt me till this day, especially during my high school years. Bullies would always have me as their subject of ridicule and would constantly joke about my size. I have never fully recovered since then.

All throughout college, I became even bigger up until I landed a job last 2005. When I started to work in a call center, I’ve thought that because of the grave yard shift I would start loosing weight, but the opposite happened. I grew even bigger. To fight off the lack of sleep, I would constantly have food at my station. Pasta, pastries, chips and cookies were always at my side. My heaviest was at 270lbs.

For me, 2007 was a life changing year. That was the time that I had experienced a lot of different kinds of feelings. Last quarter of ’07, I fell in love w/ someone but got my heart broken. I thought after that, I would never find reasons why I should live. I got scared, I got emotional, heck, I almost had a nervous breakdown. But something struck me. Probably what hit me was the bus of maturity. I got hit so bad that it made me realize that I should change all those ill feelings that I’ve felt into something positive, into something that would change the way that I live. I’ve realized that life is short and that I should make the most out of it instead of wallowing myself in pity.

Coincidently, but I’d rather think of it as divine intervention, a fitness club opened just beside SM Mall of Asia, near where my office is. With out hesitation, I enrolled myself to the gym together w/ my friend AirWind. Right after my Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary celebration party held last Oct. 14, 2007, the very next day, Oct. 15, 2007, I totally changed my way of eating (but of course, at my mom and dad’s party I gorged at the buffet). From 1 whole 18inch yellow cab pizza to no pizza at all. From 1 dozen krispy crème donuts to no donuts at all. No pasta, no pastries, no junk foods, in other words good bye to what I was used to eating.

I started boiling, steaming and broiling vegetables. I would always have grilled/broiled/boiled tuna/chicken breast and/or fried tofu. I would sometimes even follow the “ibon diet” which I read from some blog (I think that was from chuvaness’ blog). I became conscious and started to count calories I would take. I would always go to the gym everyday attending group exercises. I did dancing, martial arts, yoga and a whole lot of things just so I would loose weight. Eight months later, I was a hundred pounds lighter.

Yesterday, after our yoga class, a fitness consultant approached me and AirWind. He asked how we were doing and gave us advises on how we could maintain our weight. Then after all that talk, here comes the weighing scale. The fitness consultant weighed AirWind first then I was next. Although I have a weighing scale at home, I was still nervous at that time coz I was thinking that what if my weighing scale was broken. I took off my shoes, took off my socks, stepped on the weighing scale and to my surprise, my weight is the same as how I weighed at home. I weighed only 169lbs. which is ideal for my 5’9.5” height. I was so happy! Although I kind of knew how much I would weigh after, but having to be weighed by a fitness consultant somehow made my whole weight loss mission confirmed to be successful. I was so happy that I treated AirWind to lunch at El Pollo Loco.

Now, I get to buy clothes straight from the mall rather than having my brothers and sisters send me extra large clothes from the U.S. ‘Coz when I was still big, it was close to being impossible to buying clothes that would fit me here in the Philippines. Now, from a size 44 waist line to a size 33. From a triple XL shirt/polo, to medium size. For the very first time in my life, I was able to buy clothes that I want and clothes that I know would fit me. I am no longer afraid to go inside a store or to go to any place for that matter worrying about people who’d stare at me and might say that “That man is huge!”. From asking a larger size from a sales lady to asking for a much smaller size really feels overwhelming. Having to be seen by my relatives and friends and seeing them react in a way that as if they saw a celebrity felt so amazing that if being complemented could make me float; I’d probably be in outer space.

My goal weight is actually at 160lbs. But I take it slowly now. I don’t go to the gym everyday anymore but would always make it a point that I’d be at the gym 3 to 4 times a week. I’m still on a diet but would occasionally treat myself to a slice of pizza and a donut. Now that I feel that I’ve somehow accomplished the once thought mission impossible, I’m sharing this to all of you. Everything is possible; the impossible only takes long to be accomplished. A hundred pounds lighter doesn’t mean that I get to wear cool and trendy clothes, it doesn’t mean that I would look great and would score more w/ people in bars and clubs, but for me, a hundred pounds lighter means a deeper understanding of what life is and how it really works. It just proves to show that everything in life, with faith in God, patience and will power, what once was at a very far distance would soon be in front of you.

Before & After

more photos @ http://friendster.com/brine4u

Scary Story..Urban Legend..

I heard this story last night from the radio while driving my way home from Mall of Asia. I just want to share this to ya'all.

It goes a little something like this...

A young girl went to a home coming party. After the party, she and her friends had separated as each one of them has their own cars. The girl went on to her car alone, opened it, got in and started the engine. Consequently, on the other side of the parking lot, there was another guy riding his car as well. As the girl started to drive, the other guy started following her, but the girl didn't pay any attention to it as she thought that the guy is on the same route as she is. But as the young girl made a turn to the street that she lives in, she noticed that the guy is still following her and every so often would blink of his lights. The girl tried to turn and drive around the streets to see if the guy is really following her. Indeed, the guy would still be at her back and would still blink his lights every now and then. The girl started to panic, so she stepped on the gas and rushed her way home. The guy that was following her did the same thing and would still constantly blink his lights at times. As the girls arrives her house, got off the car and as she enters the front door of her house started to shout "Dad! Dad! Call the police! A man is following me!". Her father hurried down the stairs and called the police. When the police arrived, the guy that was following her surprisingly didn't escape, instead, she approached the girl, the police and the father. After all of that confrontation w/ the police, the girl asked, why were you following me, the man answered, "at the parking lot, before you rode your car, i saw another man sneaked behind your car. I was following you because i wanted to warn you, but all of a sudden you drove so fast. I was blinking my lights everytime i would see him from behind w/ his knife as if he was trying to stab you so that he would stop.". The police checked the back of the car and found the knife that was left behind. The girl and the father had chills rolling up their spines as they thanked the man who followed her.

Kinda scary to listen to over the radio when you're driving alone. After listening to that story, I would check the back of my car to see if someone was there. Ha-ha!

Going to Bed?

Last night was my first time going to Bed in Malate. Bed is, as far as I know, a place were P.L.U's (people like us) go to meet and greet, and of course, there's always something else (if you know what I mean).

I'm really not a party person, but I’ve heard a lot of exciting things about that place from my friend which enticed my "queeriosity". So, I said, what the hey, let me go try it. So me and 2 of my friends (John and Ers) went there.

John is very well experienced in these kind of things. He knows which bar to hang out, what to do and when to "DO" it. Ers also hangs out in malate, but mostly hangs out at straight bars. I think it was also his first to hang out at Bed. So, we arrived at the place at around 11:00PM, paid an entrance fee which includes free drinks and a couple of chiseled men on the ledge dancing for hours w/ their shirts off for your viewing pleasure.

The place was all that I had expected. There were a lot of cute/sexy guys and a couple of foreigners and gals too. I thought I’d like the place, but actually, to my surprise, I really didn't. No, no, no! Don't get me wrong guys. It's not about the place why I didn't like it. Maybe, it's just me. Coz, probably, I really never liked hanging out in bars. Other than that, I don't drink. Well, I used to drink, but I quit (that's another story which will be posted later on). I love dancing to the beat of the music, but there was something last night that just didn't make me in the mood of dancing and partying. I guess my idea of a party/gimmick is a cozy place w/ good food, drinks and a nice conversation w/ friends were you could actually hear each other. Coz, last night, because of the loud sound system which is of course necessary for that kind of place, you can hardly hear each other not unless you shout straight to the person’s ear in order for you to be heard.

We left the place at around 2:00AM. Walked around the streets of Malate for a while then took myself a cab to Mall Of Asia where my car is parked, went straight home to my room and lay down at my BED, thought and contemplated on how things went on in Malate and had myself a good nights sleep.

Will I ever go back to Bed? Maybe. After all, last night was just my first going there. Hopefully, next time, the party animal inside me would be unleashed. Ha-ha!